“Women like confidence! That’s why when I’m at a bar and I see a girl I like,
I say, ‘Hey, let’s take a look at that snatch!’
They’re always like, ‘Wow, you’re confident. Ok, what do you think of this?’
‘Hmm, looks a bit gamey, but I’m in a pinch, so saddle up, Seabiscuit!’”

— Daniel Tosh (from ‘True Stories I Made Up’)
– — — — –

When I did “Burning Blue” – the play from which I was fired for being patriotic and having a large penis – I worked with Chad Lowe. At first I bristled at the prospect of this once-upon-a-time TV star coming in as the lead. I’d been doing theater professionally for six or seven years by that point and not only had he never done a play but, judging by the first few rehearsals, he’d never learned how to memorize lines. A few weeks into the process, however, my tune began to change. Chad, I discovered, possessed the one personality trait I find most endearing in the people I encounter in my daily life:

Chad Lowe was fucked up.

Don’t get me wrong, he struck me as a good man, always tryng to live right and do the right thing; but when I knew him, he was tortured, confused and drowning in a vexing marital quagmire that quickly dissolved into divorce. On top of that, and despite growing up with all the trappings of an upper-class lifestyle, Chad is the quintessential recessive gene sibling. Even before I knew him, I felt bad for him. Sure, he is an exceedingly charming, funny, intelligent guy, but it’s not hard to notice that his DNA’s spiral staircase is missing a few more steps than his brother’s. I always imagined his would be difficult SHOES to walk in. I have two older brothers who were “valedictorians” and “certified geniuses” and “loved by my parents”, but they aren’t fuckin’ Rob Lowe. I never had to see MY brothers bang two hot underprime girls on primetime TV.

Once we got comfortable enough with each other to talk about personal things, I asked Chad the obvious question: “Hey, was it tough growing up with a brother like that?”

Chad chuckled and replied, “Wait until you meet my dad.”

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